Hairy Hair

Let us chat epidemic. Epidemic..in my terms..this would be Erin logic here..an Epidemic is something that only I would freak out about and hope that my freaking out would cause mass chaos and I would be able to sit back with my Glassy Classy Brewhahaha and do just that..haha.

I have a few Epidemics in mind. Say for instance, I jump in the ocean at well, Gulf of Mexico. Some dude gets murdered in Australia. He gets thrown in to the ocean and gets nibbled on by various things of the sea and eventually shat about and displaced all over the rest of the ocean. Here I am la-de-da so hot in the ocean, showing off my awesomely amazing body and getting whistled at..and here comes one of the dead Australian molecules up my nose because I forgot to plug it. BAM! I am now part of the murder. I injested his molecule. For the sake of being disgusting, it was part of his right testicle.

Epidemic number two. Lice. EW say what?! PLAGUE!! DIRTY!! buuuuuuuuuuuugs. Yeah, gross. You have kids? Sweet. Do they like to play beauty shop and rub up with all their little girlie friends heads and be like "aaatehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe we touch heads, you're pwetty, I like ponies" and then yup, you've got an epidemic in your house. Dude, I've got girls, I swear they go around sniffing for this shit just to watch me drink uncontrollable amounts piss ass beer and cry in bed everynight begging my husband to monkey check my head.

Off point here.

SO looking at the box it dawned on me. This shit I'm putting in my kids hair is the SAME shit somebody else is rubbing on their back hair because they have body lice. Even more insane?? You can actually drench your nether regions in this stuff to get rid of crabs. Which made me wonder..I swear I know nothing about crabs because I am amazing at hiding from plague...but IF I had crabs, shave that shit. What are you?? 1970's AfroBush down there? How in the HELL..no, I don't want to know. But it would totally suck say if you were a woman with an unknowing condition of facial hair that nobody wanted to tell you about because they are way too mean to tell you you have a mustache..you go down on JoeBlow over there..bc you are doing well..Tonsil checks? I dont know..but you're there. All of a sudden you've got this epidemic on your FACE! Would you rub it on your face? What would you DO!! Would wax work? What if you like took astringent..can't really like, put olive oil on your stache and cover your face up with saran wrap..but I'm sure people do.

So anyway. My kids are now bald. They will surely deal with that problem on their own in some form or another. I don't have life insurance so they really can't kill me for money. Plus I'm way too cool to be whacked off. OK OK OK They aren't bald. But the thought crossed my mind.